Forget Every Love Story You've Ever Heard
A year ago, he said those three little words. I literally stopped breathing. I loved him but had never told him. I don’t think I had told myself. But he knew. For months until that day, we had barely spoken besides an occasional head nod on Sundays. I had told him not to contact me again until he was serious about me. We had gone our separate ways, but I believe God brought us back together. It’s quite a story. I’ll tell you, but you have to promise to forget it.
What I love about stories and testimonies (because that’s really what they are) is that they stir up our faith. They encourage us to dream bigger, pray harder and exercise bold faith. But they sometimes hinder us, too. They can make us think that if God did it for them in that way, then He’ll do it for us in that same way, too. Over time, it can shrink our perception of who God is. It can put Him in a box. Then when God does move in our lives (and He always is moving), we can feel disappointed or let down because it didn’t happen the way we thought it would. Even though it’s the very blessing we prayed for! It’s because we grabbed a hold of someone else’s answered prayer and clutched it as our own, even holding it up to God and saying, “Do it like this.”
I’m guilty of it myself, but one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned over the past two years (I know, I’ll explain later) is to forget every love story I’ve ever heard. So I’m telling you: forget every love story you’ve ever heard. But since I do know everyone loves a good story, here’s part of ours. It’s my favorite.
How We Met
It was February 2017 and we were having Creative Night at our church. He was new. I had seen him on Sundays before. He looked like he came straight out of somebody's beard balm ad. His brown sugar skin was moisturized, but not in the way you looked when your mama greased you up before sending you to school. It was just enough of whatever coconut oil/Shea butter I imagined he had to use. And when he smiled, I knew he could absolutely ruin my life. Based on looks alone, I knew the Lord’s face shined upon him. On top of this, he was tall.
So I ignored him. All my friends had noticed him, too, and I didn’t want to be that girl. While he was meeting people that night, I was busy avoiding him—having in-depth convos across the room, doing random tasks in the basement, you know. Eventually, I could avoid him no more. He was standing right in front of me and we were being introduced by one of my friends. There were just 30 of us in a big room, so looking back I guess it was only a matter of time. We both smiled and engaged in pleasantries. Seems like a nice guy, I thought. What’s funny is he actually asked for my number that night. It’s hard to explain, but it wasn’t in a romantic way. He exchanged numbers with several people that night, so I thought nothing of it. It would be nine months before our first date.
Even then, we were still just “friends with feelings” for a long time—longer than I wanted us to be, in fact. It did us good, but that’s a story for another day. A year ago, he told me he loved me and we had our first kiss. I could feel in that moment that he truly did love me. For much of my life, I had imagined what that would feel like and I thought I could dream it up perfectly. I couldn’t. It was better, but it was also different. In a good way.
Sometimes we get so caught up in other people’s stories that we forget to live our own. We forget that what God has for us is for us. We forget that we can’t just replicate what He’s done in other people’s lives. Don’t compare your friend/boyfriend/fiancé to the man who’s been married for years. Don’t think he was born speaking her love languages and leading well. Don’t be fooled by his good behavior, eloquent speaking and great taste in style. You can bet that she has a hand in all that. Believe me, you have that same level of influence. You just don’t know the whole story.
Forget the way your favorite couple met. Forget how God confirmed he was her husband when he wore the flannel shirt she prayed he would. Forget how they met, got engaged and married all in one year. Forget how he pursued her for years even though she hated him at first and then she fell for him and now they’re living their happily ever after. Forget how he “knew” she was his wife when they met. Forget it all. That’s not your story. It likely won’t ever be. God is writing your story. There is freedom in just living it out. It may include marriage, but it may not. There is no way any of us in our human wisdom can say. We know and prophesy only in part (1 Corinthians 13:9). Faith is trusting God every step of the way, with every decision and through every season, whether you perceive it to be “good” or “bad.” Still, He ultimately gets the glory when we trust in Him and don’t lean on our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5).
So, like I said, forget every love story you’ve ever heard. Don’t cling to them, longing for them to be yours. Cling only to Jesus. Choose to trust Him daily. It’s not a one and done thing. Forget every love story you’ve ever heard and live out the greatest one ever told. God loved. He gave. We believe. We live. I’m not saying don’t be inspired by the stories of your friends, pastors and random people you follow but don’t actually know. I’m saying to challenge yourself to live like God is writing the best story EVER starring you. I believe He is.
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